Yet (The Long Haul)
by Annarita
Summary: Mac's POV and Harm's POV. Addresses what was revealed in NCIS: LA. "At first, things were great. We were so happy, but for as happy as we were, we never could decide on a date for the wedding. I can't help but to wonder if that was a bad omen all along. Maybe we knew deep down that it wouldn't work out and we were just waiting for our happy little bubble to burst."
1. Yet - Mac's POV

**Yet**

I've been pretty depressed and bitter since that episode of NCIS:LA aired. I was just going to pretend it never happened and try to live in complete denial. However, that didn't work so well for me...I couldn't focus on anything for "Unity" because this was all jumbled around inside my head. I just needed to get it out so I can try to focus on my Together Universe again.

Rating: K

Disclaimer: If they were mine, they wouldn't have lost another nine years together...

* * *

"_Your final chapter isn't written yet."_

Hetty's words echoed in my mind several times since she said them to me at lunch, but once I saw Harm on that video call, they have been playing on a continuous loop ever since.

So, now here I am, in the middle of the night, scrolling through old pictures of us on my camera roll and wondering how Harm and I managed to screw everything up…_again._

Wondering how we managed to put duty, the military and our careers above everything else -above love, happiness and the possibility of a family.

At first, things were great. We were so happy, but for as happy as we were, we never could decide on a date for the wedding. I can't help but to wonder if that was a bad omen all along. Maybe we knew deep down that it wouldn't work out and we were just waiting for our happy little bubble to burst.

We were living together for just about four years when things started to get rocky. The higher ups weren't impressed with how operations were going at the Joint Legal Service Center, and there was even talk about shutting the whole operation down. That was right around the time Harm kept getting the urge to get back into the fight. I shouldn't have been surprised – he practiced civilian law for a while, but his heart wasn't in it. He wanted to go back to the Navy, but he didn't want to go back to JAG...he wanted to be on a carrier. It's everything he has ever wanted since he was six years old. It is who he is...he was born to be a lifer. I shouldn't have been surprised by that.

I reminded him that he went back to flying once before, but essentially came back to JAG because it was a career dead end. I don't know why I did that-all the emotions that I felt when he first told me he was going back to flying after he had his eye surgery came flooding back to me. Was I just playing devil's advocate or was I trying to get him to change his mind? Anyways, he told me things were different now – the war on terrorism had changed and it was where he needed to be – on a carrier that is.

I wasn't nearly as supportive as I should have been about his career. It was hard to watch his career skyrocket with his new billet, while I came to the realization I may never make the rank of full colonel. Being on reserve status for nearly four years almost had no negative impact on his career – he was selected to serve on the USS Allegiance – one of the most coveted billets in the entire Navy.

At first we tried to make a go of it, but I guess we didn't try hard enough. That was when we started to lead separate lives. He was deployed for six months at a time, after all.

When Harm was preparing to leave for his second deployment aboard the Allegiance, I was presented with the opportunity to work for the Secretary of State. It was a great career opportunity, and I knew I had to take it. He was supportive when I told him, but I could see him crumble on the inside. I knew in that moment that everything became different. I'm not sure if I'll ever know why that moment was the one that broke us, though. Maybe because he was willing to sacrifice his career for me twice, but I wasn't willing to put my career on the back burner even once while we addressed the rough patch in our relationship. I always wanted these grand gestures from him to prove that I was more important to him than anything else, but when it was my turn to show him that he was more important to me, I failed.

Harm knew how sad and depressed I was that we couldn't have a baby after trying so many times, and I wasn't ready for adoption then. So that on top of being at a job that didn't make me happy, made me a pretty miserable person, honestly, and I took a lot of my anger out on him. I think he thought this new job would make me happy again, even if it meant we had to part ways. But why did we really have to part ways? I don't even know anymore.

That's the thing about Harm, though…he's always wanted me to be happy -no matter what. I wish I could have loved him like that when he told me he wanted to switch to active duty again. I was worried about feeling alone and thought he abandoned me…that he broke a promise about always being there for me and that he was going to leave me just like every other man in my life did. But hindsight is 20/20, I should have supported him and encouraged him and loved him unconditionally…just like he always did for me.

Honestly, if I could do It all again, I would have resigned my commission and we would have gone to London. Would our outcome have been different? Who knows, maybe, maybe not. It's amazing that one choice can change everything about life.

I told Hetty that sometimes things just don't work out. Harm and I were both excelling in our careers now, he was on the path for Admiral and he would probably get his own ship someday. I am happy for him, honestly. He sacrificed so much career wise, that he deserves this so much. As for me, I am doing well, too. I told her that I was happy, but I'm not. I haven't been happy for a long time. You know that saying – fake it until you make it? Well, that's me. If I fake it for long enough, sometimes I can trick other people – and maybe even myself for a second or two – that I am happy.

But I miss Harm -so much, that I don't know if I can ever truly be happy again without him.

I lied to Hetty about something else, too...well, it was more like a lie of omission, really. I just didn't tell her the whole story.

You see, I said that the pretense of our marriage was shattered, but I didn't tell her that in typical Harmon Rabb fashion, he couldn't say the words to end our engagement and neither could I. We didn't want it to be over. Just like that night in his DC loft all those years ago, neither one of us wanted to be the first to say goodbye. So, in turn, neither one of us said _anything_ and we have been living in an awkward limbo ever since.

For the last nine years, our only form of contact were emails back and forth with each other once a week, and roses on my birthday every year. I asked him once how he knew where to send the flowers (I'm constantly traveling for work) and he said – I'll always know where you are. If I had to guess, I would say he enlists some help from Harriet. Next to Mattie, Harriet was our biggest supporter. I think she cried just as much as I did when I told her that the time came for me and Harm to go our separate ways. She was devastated.

And that was that...the only way we communicated with each other. Up until today, there had been no social media, no pictures, no video chats and no phone calls. I'm not sure why...I think it was just easier that way for us to fool ourselves into believing that our separation would hurt less.

Our emails were always short and to the point – just little notes to remind the other one that we were thinking of them without being too obvious. We offered updates about our careers, the Roberts children, and stupid things like sports and the weather or the latest celebrity trend, but we _never_ once talked about our relationship – or lack thereof. Not once.

There hasn't been any other man in my life for the past nine years – Harm has been the only important man in my life for _years_, and I gave myself to him completely. I can never be with anyone else besides him. Men have shown interest but I don't want to be with anyone other than Harm, so I don't entertain their offers. It wouldn't be fair to lead them on for no reason. We all know how that almost ended up when I ran to Mic when Harm said he wasn't ready that night in Sydney Harbor.

Harm hasn't offered much insight to his personal life in our emails, but I suspect that there is no other woman in his life. I talk to his mother and Mattie at least once a month, and they both make a point to bring up in conversation how much they miss me and that they know Harm does, too. Mattie would have told me if Harm was seeing someone else, I'm sure.

Random things Harm has said to me over the years suddenly play in my mind like a record of "Harmon Rabb, Jr.'s Greatest Hits." - the memory of his voice acts as a soothing lullaby.

"_You have someone who will always love you."_  
_"I don't think that I will feel about anyone else the way that I feel about you."_  
_"I did it to find you."_  
_"Only with you."_

And most recently...

"_You look great."_

The newest memory sends chills through my body. I wish we could have talked one-on-one over that video chat with no one else around. There is so much to say to him, but much like when he left JAG to go back to flying all those years ago, I just can't seem to find the words. I don't know why two articulate litigators like ourselves could never be articulate in the language of love and relationships with each other.

That video call was so surreal. It felt like he was right there in the same room with me, and I wanted nothing more than to walk over and touch him. I truly forgot that there were over eight thousand miles separating us. I kept gravitating closer and closer to the screen, hoping that by some miracle it could transport me right to the Allegiance.

The tension between us just from that video call was more palpable to me than the night we kissed each other on the admiral's porch. It was more intense than I could have ever expected – even after nine years. He loves me, I know that as much as I know that the sky is blue and water is wet, and I love him with every fiber of my being. So, what's the problem? Why can't we ever seem to get this thing between us to work? Are we just destined to always be apart?

Without thinking, I find myself touching the simple necklace I am wearing, like I always do when I think of him. He bought me this necklace. I saw him staring at it on the screen today, and I can't help but to wonder if he was surprised that I still wear it or that I even wear it at all.

He gave it to me the very last time were were together, well he left it for me on the pillow actually, but we'll get there in a minute.

The last night we were together in San Diego was spent at the fanciest hotel in the city. I told Harm we didn't have to do anything special, but he insisted. We had a nice, romantic candlelight dinner in the room and made slow, sensual love to each other until the early morning hours. I could tell that he wanted to commit every detail about the night to his memory for an eternity and so did I.

That night – or should I say early morning? - as we were drifting off to sleep, wrapped up in each other's embrace, Harm made a confession.

He told me that he had a daydream all those years ago when we were celebrating Jen's promotion at the Chinese restaurant. He said that he imagined we were married, but we were about to get divorced.

The revelation surprised me – I always thought Harm was a romantic at heart and I didn't know what to say.

"_Are you saying we never had a chance?" I asked, sadly. _

"_No," he shook his head adamantly. "At the end, we found our way back to each other."_

"_Oh," I said lamely, trying to choke back the tears._

"_We'll find our way back to each other again, Mac," he said softly. "I'm sure of it."'_

"_I hope you're right," I whispered_

"_I am."_

And that was the last spoken conversation I had with him, until today. When I woke up that morning, he was gone as was every trace of him in the hotel room. I had never loved him more or hated him more at the exact same time.

I hated that he left while I was asleep and that I missed out on a few more precious moments with him, but I also loved him for it because my last memory our time together wouldn't involve tears. It would be wrapped in his arms, drifting off to sleep, as he kissed me _one last time. _

There was a small jewelry box on the pillow – the only evidence that the night before was not a dream—with a simple yellow sticky note attached to it. All it said on the note was: "Always, Harm."

Two simple words that meant more to me than anything in the entire world.

I sniffle as I close the photo app on my phone and open the email app instead and begin to write.

_Harm,_

_It was good to see you today – really good. _

_I wish that I could be there with you right now to watch your six during this, but Hetty speaks very highly of the agents aboard with you, and I trust her. But please, Harm, be careful. _

_If I am correct, this tour you are on now should be coming to an end soon, and I want you to come home__safe... to me._

_Yes, Harm. You read that correctly, and no it wasn't a typo. Home is wherever we are together, and neither one of us has been home in nine years. _

_Nine years too long. _

_It's time, Harm. _

_I hope we found our way back to each other today. _

_Be safe, sailor. _

_Love always,_  
_Mac_

Before I can chicken out, I hit send. After I send it, I wonder if it was a mistake – maybe he moved on after all. Maybe there isn't a place for me in his life anymore. How long can we really keep this dance up after all? It's been going on for decades at this point. We should have grown and matured together. We shouldn't have run away from each other. The fault was mutual for that...we both share a blame and played an equal role in the separation.

I sigh and toss the phone beside me on the bed. Not even three minutes later, the email notification for my phone chimes and I pick it up to look at the screen.

Harm replied. My hands shake as I open the message.

In the midst of everything that is going on, I'm shocked to see the reply so soon.

_Mac, _

_Today was one of those days where two lives intersect and there isn't a traffic light to be found._

_As soon as we neutralize this threat, I'm coming home to you, and we are going to figure everything out once and for all. You are my home and will always be my home._

_Working together with you again is amazing, Mac. I've missed working with you, but what I miss even more is being with you. _

_I hope I can see you again tomorrow on that video call. _

_I have so much more to say to you, but they are calling for me, and I have to go now. Something must be happening. _

_Love always, _  
_Harm_

_P.S. Watch your six, I don't like that I'm not there to back you up either. _

I can't help but to smile as I hug the phone close to my chest like a teenager.

Maybe Hetty was right – the final chapter _hasn't _been written yet. There is still time for us to make the ending that we want.

We have the same goal...we just lost sight of that temporarily and lost nine years in the process.

Although..._technically_, we never did call off our engagement...maybe we can just say we had a fourteen year engagement and finally plan our wedding for real...

I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. We need to slow down and have adult conversations now, but for the first time in nine years I believe in fate again, and that is an amazing feeling.


	2. The Long Haul - Harm's POV

_A/N: I first posted this alone as a companion piece to "Yet," but I decided to delete that and post in in the same thread as "Yet." I have an idea for follow up chapter for these two stories, so I figured it would be easier to keep them all together. _

**The Long Haul**

_Rating: K_

_Disclaimer: If they were mine, things would be very different..._

* * *

"_We're in this for the long haul, Harm."_  
_"Copy that."_

I scoff as I enter my quarters and slam the hatch shut with more force the necessary. Mac's voice stirred up a lot of emotions today, and ever since I saw her on the video call for the first time in nine years, I haven't been able to focus on anything besides her. She always consumes a majority of my thoughts, but today, it has been incessant.

Hearing her words the second time we saw each other... "We're in this for the long haul, Harm..." I almost broke. I panicked and didn't know what to say, so I said the first thing that came to mind which was "copy that."

Her words haunted me.

You see, I knew she was referring to the case, but there was a time, fourteen years, ago when I said almost those same exact words to her. It was the night we were leaving McMurphy's after the coin landed in her favor.

"_Do you regret this?" she asked. _

_I stared at her, taking in her beauty. The way she glowed was illuminated even more by the street light. She was breathtaking. "Absolutely not, Mac. We're in this for the long haul."_

_Her lips curved upwards into a smile and she leaned forward to kiss me softly on the lips. "An eternity," she whispered when she pulled away. _

I _really _thought we would have lasted an eternity. At first, things were great – fantastic even. We were happy, we were in love. Although, we never did pick a date for the wedding. I wasn't really bothered by that at first -as long as I was with Mac, I didn't care if we were married or not. What was a piece of paper in the scheme of things? We were together and that's all I really wanted.

However, around the four-year mark, we were at an impasse and then things started to crumble after that. Mac hated her job, the higher ups were coming down hard on her, and they tossed around the idea of shutting the whole operation down. She was miserable and angry all the time, and I didn't know how to help her cope.

We tried the old fashion way for a baby _frequently _but it never happened. It nearly destroyed Mac, and although I always tried to put on a brave act for her sake, it nearly destroyed me, too. Mac kept pushing me away, like she did after the admiral's dining out, every time I mentioned IVF or adoption, and I tried to respect that. It just broke my heart that I couldn't just magically fix everything and make her happy.

I was also getting restless in civilian law, and with Mac keeping me at an arm's length, I decided it was time to go back to active duty. The war on terrorism was changing, and I had this overwhelming desire to get back into the fight and serve my country.

Mac tried to be supportive at first, even though she told me that I went back to flying once before and returned to JAG because it was a career dead-end. There was some resentment in her voice, but she never once asked me not to go. If she would have asked me to stay, I would have. I just needed some sign from her that she still wanted to be together.

The first deployment was awkward, and we started to lead separate lives, but something changed completely when I was preparing for my second deployment. She came home one day and said she was presented with the opportunity to work for the Secretary of State and that her command now was a career dead-end, so she needed to take the job.

Whatever pretense of marriage we were still holding onto shattered in that moment. Her new job on top of my billet on the Allegiance would make marriage nearly impossible. Looking back though – would it really have been impossible? Sure, it would have been hard, but impossible? I knew military relationships would be hard. Mac wasn't the first military woman I had a relationship with -but she _was_ the only Marine...she can't really be compared to the others, either. Mac was entirely her own person.

I briefly think about Jordan and Diane, two women I haven't thought about in years. Jordan and I never would have lasted, that I am sure of now. She only loved the lawyer part of me, not the aviator. And Diane, well, we were so young, and she died before we even really got started, so who knows what our fate would have been.

I thought things would have been different with Mac because we were such good friends _first_. She knew me as Harm the aviator and Harm the lawyer, and although I know that my flying did give her nightmares, she _always_ respected it because it was a part of who I was. We knew everything about each other, and I thought that we could have a textbook romance because of that. But, alas, reality doesn't work that way.

I shake my head and push away thoughts of Diane and Jordan so that I can focus solely on Mac again. I picture her smile – I loved to see her smile. She didn't have nearly as much happiness as she deserved in her lifetime, especially that last year we were together.

All I have ever wanted was for Mac to be happy – no matter the expense. She didn't ask me to pass on the billet for the Allegiance, and I could never ask her to pass on her new career opportunity so we could figure out where we were in our relationship. When she mentioned the new job, I a saw a glimmer in her eyes that I didn't see for nearly a year at that point. I used to think that I could make her happy, but if I could no longer make her happy and put that glimmer in her eyes, then I wanted her to have something that would...even if it caused us to go our separate ways.

I open my locker and pull out the worn picture of the two of us that I bring with me every time I am deployed. It's the one that was taken so long ago in Afghanistan. I remember how I gave her the picture that year for Christmas, and she gave me a picture frame that was the same size. Funny how we used to think so much alike back then.

Somehow when we were dividing up our belongings this ended up in one of my boxes, and I'm glad it did because I treasure it so much.

I think about the nine years we've been distant with each other, and it all seems like a bad dream. Then, I think about the nine years we spent together at JAG. We lived through crazy poachers, imposters, Russia, murder trials, being lost at sea, other relationships, terrorists, and the aftermath of Paraguay. I never thought that the reason we would break would be a result of our careers and the unfilled promise that put too much pressure on both of us. Somedays, I truly regret ever making that damn deal. Maybe things would have been different if I didn't make it...or if I would have said one year or three years instead of five years. How much did that one conversation actually impact our lives? What if I didn't shut her down in Sydney Harbor? Or what if I never suggested the coin toss and we had an adult conversation about what we wanted from our relationship from the very start?

That was all a lifetime ago - so much has changed - but the one constant thing has been that the love I have for Sarah MacKenzie never faded.

Here she was today in front of me on a video call, and everything else just melted away. Nothing else mattered to me. She _is_ my world. And then I saw the necklace she was wearing...the one I left for her the last night we were together, and something clicked inside of me. If she moved on, I don't think she would have kept the necklace. Maybe there is still hope for us.

I run my fingers over her face in the picture I am holding, and wish that she was actually standing in front of me and that I could feel her skin beneath my fingertips again. I close my eyes as that wish brings me back to the memory of seeing her in person for the very last time...

It was her last night in San Diego. I wasn't ready to let go - (it was ironic how "letting go" in regards to a relationship with Mac suddenly came full circle) so I thought it was best to spend our last night together at the nicest hotel in the city. Mac said we didn't have to do anything, but I insisted we did. I wanted to do it for her as much as I selfishly wanted to do it for me. We had a romantic dinner in the room, and made love until the early morning hours. I wanted to remember every detail about her and that night for the rest of my life. There could never be another woman for me. Sarah MacKenzie was it for me.

When it was almost time for sleep to claim us afterwards, I had an overwhelming desire to make a confession to Mac. I held her as tightly as I could in my arms and told her about my fortune cookie induced daydream from so long ago. I told her that I had imagined we were married, but it looked like a divorce was inevitable.

"_Are you saying we never had a chance?" she asked me, sadly._

"_No!" I shook my head adamantly. "In the end we found our way back to each other."_

"_Oh," was all she said. I could tell she was trying so hard not to cry and so was I. _

"_We'll find our way back to each other again, Mac," I finally whispered. "I'm sure of it."_

"_I hope_ _you're right."_

"_I am," and then I kissed her one last time._

A few hours later when I was sure she was asleep, I slipped out of bed, got dressed, and gathered all of my belongings that were in the hotel room.

I pulled out a small jewelry box from my overnight bag and found a notepad at the desk. I picked up the pen and scribbled "Always, Harm" on the simple yellow sticky note, attached it to the jewelry box and left it on the pillow beside her.

I wanted to lean over and kiss her again, but I couldn't. There was a chance she would wake up, and I didn't want to do that to either one of us. I didn't want there to be any tears the last time I saw her. So, I studied her appearance for a long moment, and then carefully slipped out of the hotel room.

Over the next nine years our only form of communication were emails once a week and the flowers that I would send to her on her birthday every year. She asked me once in our emails how I knew where to send them, and I gave an evasive "I'll always know where you are" as a response. I didn't want to tell her that I _always_ ask Harriet about her when I talk to the Roberts'. I know she still talks to Mom and Mattie, too, but they never have much to offer about her whereabouts – just that they talked to her and she says she's doing well. They both tell me that they can tell she misses me as much as I miss her, but I always change the subject. It hurts too much to talk about it with them.

Talking to her today was awkward and we were distant, but something about it felt so right. It felt like for the first time in nine years, I had something to look forward to...some type of hope still existed. Mac said this was a "difficult situation" but I knew that her words alluded to something else besides the looming threat. I could tell by the way she was looking at me and the tone of her voice.

And what might that be you ask? Well, Mac and I never called our engagement off...we just parted and went our separate ways without defining where we stood with each other. So, I guess you could _technically_ say we are still engaged.

Why were we always unable to have the conversations with each other that mattered the most? It's a question I've asked myself thousands of times over the years. We always hid behind work as a way to protect ourselves from fear of the unknown. We both share the blame in how our relationship ended. If I could go back in time, I would insist on couples therapy. We were – or should I say "are"? - two stubborn, flawed, career-oriented people that struggled to compromise and communicate. Therapy probably would have done us loads of good from the start.

My computer terminal chimes, and I place the picture of Mac safely back into my locker before I go to the computer. I almost forget how to breathe when I see that the notification was an email from Mac. I open it immediately.

_Harm,_

_It was good to see you today – really good. _

_I wish that I could be there with you right now to watch your six during this, but Hetty speaks very highly of the agents aboard with you, and I trust her. But please, Harm, be careful. _

_If I am correct, this tour you are on now should be coming to an end soon, and I want you to come home safe... to me._

_Yes, Harm. You read that correctly, and no it wasn't a typo. Home is wherever we are together, and neither one of us has been home in nine years. _

_Nine years too long. _

_It's time, Harm. _

_I hope we found our way back to each other today. _

_Be safe, sailor. _

_Love always,_  
_Mac_

Fate brought us together again, I am sure of it. I need to reply now so she knows that I want all the same things she does. Even after all this time, we still have a chance

_Mac, _

_Today was one of those days where two lives intersect and there isn't a traffic light to be found._

_As soon as we neutralize this threat, I'm coming home to you, and we are going to figure everything out once and for all. You are my home and will always be my home._

_Working together with you again is amazing, Mac. I've missed working with you, but what I miss even more is being with you. _

_I hope I can see you again tomorrow on that video call. _

A knock on the door disrupts my thought process, and I bark a distracted "Enter!" to the person on the other side.

The petty officer entered and says, "XO, you're needed on the bridge. It's an emergency."

"I'll be right there," I reply before I hurry to finish my email.

_I have so much more to say to you, but they are calling for me, and I have to go now. Something must be happening. _

_Love always, _  
_Harm_

_P.S. Watch your six, I don't like that I'm not there to back you up either._

We are older now – and hopefully wiser, too. Fate can only do so much; Mac and I have to do the rest together.


	3. What Fate Has In Store

_I was feeling all kinds of conflicting emotions when I saw the trailer for the NCIS:LA premiere. I have ZERO faith in the writers to do Harm and Mac justice, but there was a tiny, microscopic glimmer of hope that I wanted to hold on too for a little while longer. Hence, this chapter was born. I knew I had to finish it before the episode airs because depending on how that episode goes, my muse may or may not be destroyed for a while._

_Also...I'm not really sure where Harm would live, but for the sake of this story, let's just pretend it's LA..._

* * *

Sarah MacKenzie sat on the balcony of Harmon Rabb's downtown Los Angeles' high-rise apartment and looked out at the city below. It was very different from San Diego and Washington, but it felt comfortable to her in these early morning hours; probably because of the man sleeping in the bedroom just on the other side of the French doors.

She shifted in her seat, and brought her knees up to her chest as she inhaled the familiar, masculine scent from the button-down dress shirt of Harm's that she threw on after she slipped out of bed.

Yesterday was a whirlwind – both professionally and personally. After their late-night email exchange after the video conference call, she knew she would see Harm again soon. She just never could have imagined _how_ soon that would be. When he walked into that room it was as if time stood still. She was so focused on _him _that even her trustworthy internal clock got thrown off kilter. Harmon Rabb, Jr. was the _only _man who could do that to her. Although, she would never admit that to him.

* * *

_They remained professional in their meeting with Callen and Hetty, but as soon as they got outside, the desire to touch each other become overwhelming, intoxicating even. Then when they gave in and finally hugged each other by the silver SUV, it was like coming home. It was where they both belonged. After they pulled away, Harm asked what the plan was._

_She had told him they were way past letting fate decide, and he then promptly requested to take her out to dinner._

_Her reply was a simple "yes" and he told her he would pick her up at her hotel later that evening. She was pleasantly surprised when he arrived right on time wearing black dress pants and a white button-down shirt with a black tie. The matching jacket was slung over his arm._

_"You never age," he whispered to her when she answered the door wearing a knee length navy blue dress, with off the shoulder straps, and nude heels._

_"Neither do you," she replied softly. The dress flowed beautifully and she resisted the urge to spin around in a circle for him. It's was something he used to tease her about when they were a couple – how she couldn't resist the urge to spin around like a school girl when she would try out a new dress. It became a ritual of sorts for them every time she bought a new dress. She'd come home, give him a little fashion show of sorts with her new attire, and then, well, then he'd help her remove the dress and they'd find themselves making love in whatever room of the house they were in. They never really could keep their hands off of each other for most of their time together, after all. That was the one part of their relationship that they were always able to get right._

_Unbeknownst to her, Harm was also thinking about the very same thing. He liked to think that he matured over the last nine years, but he would always have a jealous streak when it came to Mac and he made the next comment before he could stop himself. "What was the occasion for packing this dress for your business trip?" The dress drew attention to her body in all the right places. It was both sexy and sophisticated. He may not have known much about women's fashion, but it was definitely not a dress that you would just throw in your suitcase for a business trip, unless of course you planned to wear it for some sort of special occasion...or date._

_She pursed her lips together and bit back the urge to roll her eyes. "I didn't, Harm. I went shopping after we decided to go to dinner. There hasn't been anyone or any type of date ever since we parted ways." She had to make it clear to him that there was no other man in her life. It was only him._

_"I'm sorry, Mac," he apologized, as he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair - his nervous tick of sorts. "I had no right to -"_

_She interrupted him before he could finish. "We never ended things officially," she said with a sad shrug. "You have a right to ask."_

_A glimmer of hope flashed across his eyes at the realization that there had not been another man in her life, and it was mirrored by a flash of insecurity in her eyes as she wondered if there were other women in his life. All her worries began to dissipate when he flashed the version of his flyboy grin that he reserved solely for her. "You're all I've thought about for nine years, Mac."_

_She returned his smile. "No other women in your life?" she asked._

_"No." They stood there for a moment in an awkward silence before Harm spoke again. "I'm sorry I didn't bring you flowers...I didn't want to risk being late."_

_"I don't need flowers, Harm. All I need tonight is for us to spend time together."_

_"That sounds like the perfect evening," he said as he opened the door for her and placed his hand on the small of her back like he did thousands of times before and that same familiar spark that ignited so many feelings in both of them was definitely still there._

_The night had been spectacular. They fell into their usual rhythm instantly and any awkwardness they experienced at the hotel seemed to be a distant memory. They didn't talk about any topic that was too heavy, primarily their relationship status, but they enjoyed catching up on each other's lives, their godchildren, Mattie, Trish and Frank. Then, they danced together at the nearby jazz club well into the night._

_Afterwards, Harm said that his apartment wasn't too far away and invited her over for a cup of coffee. Mac readily agreed – she didn't want their time together to end a moment sooner than necessary. She followed him through his apartment and noticed that it reminded her much of his DC loft. It was very much a bachelor pad and void of most personal touches. She did, however, notice that there were three picture frames placed throughout the living room. One of Mattie, one of Trish and Frank, and one of her- not them together, just her. It filled her with butterflies when she saw it._

_"Nice place," she offered as she pulled out the barstool and sat down at the island while he got the coffee pot ready._

_He shrugged. "I'm not here much, it's just a place to sleep at more than anything at this point. I usually go to La Jolla most of the time when I'm not at sea."_

_"Your mom mentioned that once or twice before. She loves having you there – so does Frank."_

_"You can come with me next time I visit...if you want to I mean."_

_"Do you want me to?" she asked, an eyebrow raised._

_"Always," his reply was immediate and he thought back to the night he scribbled that word on the yellow sticky note in the hotel room nine years ago._

_She stood up and walked over to the other side of the island. She wedged herself between the island and his body. "Are we still engaged?" Mac placed her palms flat against his chest. She thought they were, but it never came up through the night and she needed to know. They never did officially call off their engagement after all; surely if they still felt this way towards each other after not seeing each other for nine years the engagement was still on the table. She couldn't stop herself, and her hand soon moved to caress the side of his face. She had to know if they really still did have a chance after all._

_Harm lead forward and pressed Mac further against the counter. "God, I hope so," he whispered mere millimeters from her lips._

_"Then we agree."_

_"Mac..." he whispered- his finger tracing over her lips, his eyes locked on hers._

_"I want you so much," she all but whispered. "No, I need you," she corrected. "I'll never stop needing you."_

_The coffee was forgotten and the couple soon found themselves tangled among the bed sheets in another much-needed reunion._

* * *

And now it was nearly 0515 hours, and insomnia was rearing its ugly head in her life like it usually did. She wasn't naive enough to think that everything would magically work out for them this time – things would never be easy for them; she was sure of it. There was _so much_ that they didn't talk about last night, and they would need to do it soon, but a part of her was afraid that they would mess it all up again and she wasn't ready for that. Fate brought them together _again_, but fate alone couldn't keep them together forever. From here on out, they had to make some very important decisions.

Harm stirred from his slumber a short while later and was disappointed when he realized he was alone in bed. For a brief, fleeting moment, he wondered if last night had been a very vivid dream and nothing more. However, he sat up noticed Mac's dress in a ball on the floor beside the bed. He could also feel the cool breeze coming through the open balcony doors, and he was able to confirm that last night had in fact been very real.

He got out of bed, threw on his discarded pair of boxers and a t-shirt, grabbed a blanket and went to join Mac on the balcony.

"I thought you might be cold," he said as he held the blanket out to her.

At the sound of his voice, Mac looked up and smiled softly at him. "Thank you," she said as she brought her feet down to the ground and scooted over to the side of the chair to make room for him. "Would you care to join me?"

"I would love to." In three short steps, he was squeezing himself into the chair beside her. In an attempt to be more comfortable in the small chair, Mac shifted again so she was sitting on his lap with her long legs dangling over the arm of the chair.

"Good morning," she whispered after pressing a kiss to his lips.

He moved in to kiss her again. "Morning," he mumbled against her lips. "Insomnia still gets you, huh?"

"Yeah. It's been pretty bad these last nine years."

"I'm sorry," he ran his hand through her hair and massaged her scalp soothingly.

She sighed and closed her eyes as her head rested against his chest. "It's not your fault." She suddenly needed something to occupy her hands, and she began to play with the diamond necklace she wore.

"You don't know how it made me feel when I saw you on that video chat the other day and realized that you were wearing that necklace."

"I only take it off when I shower," she answered. "I wear it all the time." She sniffled and recalled the morning she found it sitting on the pillow. "I never hated or loved you more when I found it on the pillow. I hated that you snuck out without me getting a chance to kiss you one last time, but I loved you because the last memories I had of our time together didn't include tears."

He kissed her temple. "I never stopped loving you."

"I told Hetty that I had a good life these last nine years, but it was a lie, Harm. There was a void in my life after the pretense of our relationship shattered and we went our separate ways. It never went away, I just learned how to cope with it."

"I was the same way, Mac."

"I can't believe we wasted _another_ nine years." She couldn't control her emotions anymore and the tears were falling freely. She needed to mourn everything they had lost.

She was beginning to tremble, and Harm didn't know if it was from the crying or because she was cold. He wanted to comfort her as best as he could, so he pulled her closer to him and held her tightly against his chest. With his free hand, he tightened the blanket around them.

"I'm sorry I failed you." He said, sadly, before he placed a kiss to her temple.

She pulled away and noticed the tears in his eyes, too. "Harm?"

"The two promises I ever broke in my entire life involved failing you, and I hate myself for it. I said I'd never abandon you, and that I'd always be there, but then I took the billet on the Allegiance...and well, the baby deal..."

"Harm..."

"You don't know how many times I've regretted the parameters I put on that deal. Why five years? Why didn't I say three or two or one? Why didn't I just tell you right then and there that I loved you? It was never about _just_ having a baby with you, Mac. It was about _being _with you. Forever."

Forever seemed like such a silly word to her now in the scheme of things.

"That _one_ conversation we had the day AJ was born impacted our life in so many ways. I don't regret making the deal," he clarified. "I just regret the mistakes that came after. We should have had an actual conversation about the deal. It was never a backup plan to me."

"Even if the time table on the deal was different, my condition still would have made fulfilling that promise nearly impossible. I had it for years before I was officially diagnosed...the diagnosis just would have come sooner."

The silence hung heavy between them.

"I would have stayed if you asked me to," he said finally, referring to how he felt like he abandoned her. "I wouldn't have taken the billet. I just needed some sort of sign that we still had a chance."

"How could I ask you to stay?" she scoffed. "You gave up your career for me _twice_, Harm. I would never ask you to do it a _third_ time. I just wanted you to be happy. It was four years later, we were still childless, and you were restless with civilian law. You could have asked me to pass on the position with the State Department."

"I only wanted you to be happy, too, Mac. I hated the idea of you running off to play spy like Webb, but when you came home and told me about the job offer, you looked happy for the first time in a long time. You hated your job and we never talked about other paths to parenthood. I just wanted you to be happy," he repeated. "Even if it wasn't with me."

"But I'm happiest with you," she replied, adamantly. "Even if we're fighting or disagreeing...just knowing that we have each other...that we are together...that is what makes me happy, Harm."

"Communication has always been our biggest problem," he said, sadly.

"Copy that," she said, using his words from the video call.

"Where do we go from here, Mac? What do we do? Fate was enough to bring us back together, but we can't let fate dictate everything."

"We have to make our own fate." Like she said before, they were way past letting fate decide everything.

"Which is?"

"Well, getting married for starters."

His flashed a grin. "I like that a lot."

"Me, too." She ran her fingers through his hair. "A fourteen-year engagement is probably a record of sorts."

He kissed the inside of her wrist and knew that he had to be the voice of reason this time. "That's the easy part, Mac. We know _what _we want. _How _do we make it work, though?"

She sighed heavily. "Well, I guess a coin toss is out," she attempted to throw in some humor.

"Mac..." his tone carried a warning. "I'm serious. We need a plan."

"You're going to stay in the Navy until they kick you out," she replied with a smile – knowing he was a lifer and wouldn't retire a day earlier than the mandatory retirement age. "And hopefully, someday soon, you'll even have your own ship."

"What if I don't want my own ship?" He countered. "What if it is time for me to retire...for real this time?"

"You were miserable last time."

"We missed so much time already, Mac. I don't want to finally be married to you and only get to spend six months with you at a time between deployments. I'm too old for that. _You _deserve more than that."

"You really don't want your own ship?"

"No. Not if it costs me time with you."

She didn't know if she should tell him that she was open to the idea of fostering children or adopting a child or two now – after all this time. She knew if she said it that he would _never _go back to a carrier, and that wasn't completely fair to him. She didn't want to feel like she was "trapping" him. If he didn't want to go back to a carrier, or even the Navy, it had to be a decision he made on his own, and this time she would support him unconditionally no matter what.

The sound of Mac's cellphone ringing broke through the entire apartment and she sighed again as she removed herself from Harm's lap. "Duty calls, even at this hour," she said as she went to retrieve her phone from her purse in Harm's kitchen.

With a sigh of his own, Harm stood up, and went back inside. He studied their discarded clothing on the floor, and the tangled bedsheets and was brought back to the memories of the four years they did spend together. For the most part, their time together was great. Things only began to get really awful towards the end, but instead of fixing their problems, they ran – like their usual modus operandi. If only they could communicate with each other as well as they made love to each other, they'd be unstoppable.

"Um, Harm..." Mac began as she walked back into the bedroom, a short time later, clutching her phone in her hands so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.

He turned around to face her, and her expression was beginning to scare him. She looked very confused, shocked even, and he was afraid to ask why. "What is it, Mac?" he asked, gently.

"I, um, … I just got another job offer."

Now his expression mirrored hers, and he gulped. "That's um, that's, uh," he couldn't formulate a coherent thought. Couldn't they just have a little more time to figure things out before the tables turned on them yet again?

Harm didn't get a chance to string together a complete sentence because his phone began to ring next. He looked at it for a second or two but made no attempt to answer it. The conversation he was about to have with Mac was so much more important to him.

"You should probably answer that," Mac told him.

"No, whatever it is can wait. We need to talk about this."

Mac shook her head. "No, trust me, Harm. You should answer that."

He didn't look convinced, but he humored her. "Rabb," he barked when he answered the call. He listened as the caller spoke, at first his expression stayed set, but as the caller continued, his features slowly began to soften and morphed into a smile. He thanked the person on the other end, ended the call, and put his phone back on the nightstand. Then, he turned around to face Mac. "I just got another job offer, too," he grinned as he crossed his arms over his chest. He knew that she knew what was coming – having received her phone call first – and that was why she was insistent that he answer the phone.

Finally, Mac's face turned into a smile. The whole thing seemed so surreal to her, and it took her a few minutes to realize that even though she thought they were past letting fate decide their future, fate still had a few tricks in store for them. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck before pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Does that mean you are going to accept the offer?" She asked after pulling away slightly.

"Well, that depends...are you accepting yours?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Only if you are. We're partners, partner."

"Well..." He pretended to think about it, but he couldn't draw out the humor. He was so excited that fate surprised them yet again and in a good way at that this time. "Yes. One hundred percent yes." He kissed her this time. "Is Hetty some kind of miracle worker?"

Mac smiled. "Hetty is something special," she replied. "I don't know how she did it, but I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, Harm. This is everything for us. You and me working together again, heading up a new NCIS office in Florida, and being able to do that job as a married couple. I, um, know there was bad blood between you and NCIS ever since you were framed for Singer's murder...if you didn't want to work for NCIS, I would understand."

Harm shrugged, brushing off her concerns. "That's all the more reason to work for NCIS, Mac, to make sure the truth comes out. And besides, Hetty says we'll be focusing more on special projects, anyways."

"This can be a really wonderful thing for us..."

He nodded in agreement.

This new information pushed Mac to bring up the conversation about children now. "Do you ever still think about adoption?" She asked.

"All the time," he confessed.

She relaxed against him. "I do too, now," she mumbled against his chest. "There are so many kids who need a home, especially older ones. We can foster or adopt. We can finally fulfill the baby deal...even if it's more than fifteen years overdue, and not quite the way we had imagined. It doesn't have to be a baby that we raise together..."

Harm really couldn't believe that it had been roughly twenty years since AJ was born and he and Mac stood on the JAG steps and made that deal. "Counselor," he began formally, "May I amend the terms of our original deal?"

"Well, that depends. What did you have in mind, Captain?"

"I love you, Mac," he began after he brought her hands to his lips and kissed them. "And I want to be with you...forever. So, what do you say if I were to suggest that from this moment forward, we promise each other that we will continue to work on our communication skills? We don't run from our problems anymore; instead we face them head on, together – even if that means we have to go to couples counseling. We finally make what we've felt for each other for nearly twenty-five years official. We get married so we have that little piece of paper so the world will know for an _eternity _that Harmon Rabb loves Sarah MacKenzie." She smiled widely, and silent tears spilled from her eyes. He gently wiped them away with his thumbs. "And," he continued after a deep breath, "we find the path to parenthood that is meant for us – whether it be fostering or adopting a child of any age. The specifics have never mattered to me, Mac. The only thing that has ever mattered to me is that we do it together."

She sniffled, and blinked the remaining tears away. "Those terms are more than satisfactory. They're perfect." She laughed as he pushed her backwards to the bed and his body covered hers. "There is one thing..." she began, semi-distractedly as Harm began to unbutton the shirt she had on.

"Oh, yeah?" He asked. "What's that?"

"That Hetty officiates our wedding ceremony."

He stopped working on the buttons and looked up to make eye contact with her. "Hetty can do that?" He asked, only somewhat surprised.

Mac smiled. "Hetty can do _anything_." She reached for the hem of his t-shirt and began to nudge it up.

"Can she do it today?" He asked, only half teasing, as the t-shirt came over his head and Mac threw it to the floor. The lawyer in him knew that there was a waiting period, and they'd have to apply for a marriage license, but if there was anything he learned over the course of the last few days, it was to never underestimate the power of Henrietta Lange.

"Hetty's already working on it. So, what do you say, Sailor? Are you ready to get married this afternoon?"

"More than ready." He smiled his first _full blown_ Flyboy grin in nearly a decade.

"Me, too," she grinned. "Me, too."

* * *

_And this is where I leave them...for now, at least..._


End file.
